Intrusive Thoughts as a Mom: What’s Normal and When to Get Help

You’re standing at the top of the stairs with your baby, and suddenly… that thought pops in. You know the one. Or maybe you’re driving across a bridge and your brain decides to play out scenarios you’d never actually want to happen. Your heart races, your stomach drops, and then comes the shame spiral: “What kind of mother thinks these things?”

Listen, I get it. As a mom of four, I’ve had ALL the thoughts that make you question yourself.

And here’s what I want you to know right now: You’re not losing it, you’re not a bad mom, and you’re definitely not alone. Research shows that up to 80% of new mothers experience these kinds of intrusive thoughts (Fairbrother & Woody, 2008). In fact, it’s such a normal part of motherhood that researchers consider these thoughts to be a universal experience of early parenthood.

What Are These Thoughts Actually About?

Let’s get real about what’s happening in your head. These thoughts? They’re called intrusive thoughts, and they’re basically your mom brain on overdrive. Think of them like pop-up ads in your mind - unwanted, unexpected, and usually trying to sell you on your worst fears.

That split-second image of your baby falling? It’s actually your brain’s weird way of trying to keep them safe. Those 3 AM spirals about every possible thing that could go wrong tomorrow? That’s your mind attempting to prepare you for anything. The constant replay of that one time you almost tripped while carrying the baby? Your brain’s working overtime to prevent it from happening again.

The problem isn’t the thoughts themselves - it’s the meaning we assign to them. We think having these thoughts makes us bad moms, when really, it often means exactly the opposite: we care so deeply that our minds are constantly scanning for ways to protect our little ones.

Why Do We Get Intrusive Thoughts?

Here’s the thing about becoming a mom… it’s like your brain gets completely rewired (because it actually does). Suddenly you’re responsible for keeping another human alive, and your mind takes that job VERY seriously. Maybe a little too seriously sometimes.

Add in the perfect storm of:

• Hormones doing the cha-cha with your emotions
• Sleep deprivation making everything feel more intense
• The mental load of tracking literally everything
• Society’s pressure to be the “perfect” mom
• And the isolation that often comes with motherhood

No wonder your mind goes to wild places. It’s like running an advanced computer program on no sleep, with too many tabs open, while also trying to download updates. Something’s bound to glitch occasionally.

When It’s ‘Normal’ (And When It’s Not)

Here’s something most mom blogs won’t tell you: having these thoughts doesn’t automatically mean something’s wrong. Just like your body transformed during pregnancy, your mind is adapting to this massive life change too.

Normal looks like catching these thoughts, recognizing them as uninvited guests, and letting them pass through. Like when you’re giving your baby a bath and think “what if they slip underwater?” - you acknowledge it, take your normal safety precautions, and continue with your day. These thoughts might surprise you, but they don’t control your actions or define your motherhood.

But sometimes… these thoughts need more attention. Like when they start showing up with a packed suitcase, ready to stay awhile.

When you find yourself:

• avoiding certain activities with your kids

• changing your routines,

• feeling consumed by worry

- that’s your signal to reach out for support. It’s not because you’re failing - it’s because you’re human, and humans sometimes need backup.

What Actually Helps (Like, Really Helps)

Let’s move past the “just think positive!” advice (because… ugh) and talk about what actually works:

Ground yourself in the moment.

When a thought crashes your mental party, look around. Notice five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear. This isn’t just wellness fluff - it’s about pulling your brain back to what’s real right now.

Name the thought for what it is.

Try saying “I’m having an intrusive thought” instead of “I’m thinking about [scary thing].” This tiny shift helps your brain file it in the right category - unwanted spam instead of important mail.

Share it with someone who gets it.

The shame of these thoughts feeds on silence. When we speak them out loud to someone safe - whether that’s a friend, therapist, or coach - they often lose some of their power.

Create your own mental safety net.

This might mean having a code word with your partner when thoughts are getting loud, or a specific playlist that brings you back to center, or even just a mantra that reminds you this will pass.

The Real Truth About Our Intrusive Thoughts in Motherhood?

Motherhood cracks us open in ways we never expected. It makes us more vulnerable, more aware, more protective than we ever knew possible. And sometimes, that heightened awareness shows up as these intrusive thoughts.

But here’s what I want you to take away:

You can be both an amazing mom AND someone who has these thoughts.

You can love your children fiercely AND need support managing your mind.

You can be grateful for motherhood AND acknowledge its challenges.

Ready to Transform Your Experience?

If you’re nodding along to this, feeling seen but still struggling, I want you to know something: You don’t have to figure this out alone. Through my 1:1 coaching program, I help moms just like you move from feeling overwhelmed by these thoughts to feeling confident in managing them.

We work together to create practical strategies that fit your real life - because generic advice only gets you so far. Whether you’re dealing with occasional intrusive thoughts or finding yourself consumed by worry, there’s a path forward.

Ready to feel more like yourself again? Click below to schedule a free 20-minute mom-to-mom chat. Let’s talk about what’s really going on and create a plan that actually works for you.

Remember: Having these thoughts doesn’t make you a bad mom. It makes you human. And sometimes being human means reaching out for support.

Here With You,

References:

Thoughts of Harm: Examining the Characteristics of Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts” published in the Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 69(12), 1834-1840.

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