Motherhood Tiredness: More Than Just Lack of Sleep
It’s 12am. You’re here, searching for answers about why you’re so deeply tired, while the house sleeps around you. First, I want you to know - I see you. As a mom of four (including twins), I’ve spent countless nights exactly where you are, wondering if this bone-deep exhaustion would ever end. This isn’t just about sleep. It’s about something deeper…”
I remember one night, trying to tandem feed my twins while my five-year-old was calling for me from his room. My body was there, going through the motions, but I felt like I was floating above myself, watching it all happen. That’s when I realized - this tiredness wasn’t just about missed hours of sleep…”
The Many Faces of Motherhood Tiredness
What you’re feeling isn’t simple fatigue - it’s a complex web of different types of exhaustion that all mothers face, but few understand. Let’s break down what’s really happening:
Physical Exhaustion:
Yes, this is the obvious one - the heavy limbs, the burning eyes, the way your body feels like it’s moving through mud. It’s the weight of your shoulders as you rock another child to sleep, the ache in your back from bending over cribs and changing tables, the way your feet protest every step by evening.
But it’s more than just needing sleep. It’s your body carrying the physical marathon of motherhood day after day. It’s the constant lifting, carrying, bending, reaching, and holding. It’s the way your arms never seem to be empty, how your lap has become everyone’s favorite seat, and how even basic tasks like showering feel like they require Olympic-level energy.
This kind of tiredness seeps into your bones and makes you wonder if you’ll ever feel truly rested again.
Mental Load Fatigue:
This is the constant running commentary in your head - the never-ending mental ticker tape that starts before dawn and continues well into the night.
“Did I pack the diaper bag? When was the last feed? Is it too late to start the laundry? Did I respond to that text? What’s for dinner tomorrow? Does the baby have a doctor’s appointment this week? Are we running low on diapers? Should I be doing more sensory activities? Is that rash something to worry about?”
It’s exhausting because it never stops. Your brain has become a 24/7 command center, constantly scanning, planning, anticipating, and problem-solving. Even when you do get a moment to rest, your mind keeps spinning, processing the day behind you while planning for the one ahead. This mental load isn’t just about remembering things - it’s about being the family’s central processing unit, always running in the background, always on alert.
Emotional Exhaustion:
This one hits differently. It’s the weight of being everyone’s emotional support system, their safe space, their comfort zone. The constant switching between being firm but gentle, patient but boundary-setting, present but productive leaves you emotionally drained.
It’s regulating your own emotions while helping your toddler through a meltdown, staying calm when you find crayon on the walls, and mustering enthusiasm for the same book for the fifteenth time that day.
It’s being touched out but still giving one more hug, being frustrated but still speaking softly, being overwhelmed but still showing up. This emotional labor is invisible but intense - it’s the art of holding space for everyone’s feelings while often putting your own on hold. It’s the hardest one to explain, but often the most draining, because there’s no real “off” switch for a mother’s heart.
Identity Tiredness:
This is the one that catches most moms by surprise - the exhaustion that comes from missing your former self while trying to embrace your new one. It’s looking in the mirror and barely recognizing the person staring back.
It’s wondering what happened to the woman who used to have long conversations over coffee, who had hobbies, who could finish a thought without interruption.
It’s the strain of trying to bridge who you were with who you’ve become, all while society expects you to be grateful for every moment. This identity fatigue shows up in unexpected moments - when you can’t remember the last book you read, when you struggle to answer questions about yourself that don’t relate to your kids, when you feel guilty for missing aspects of your pre-mom life.
It’s real, it’s valid, and it’s rarely talked about because it feels almost taboo to admit that while you love your children fiercely, you sometimes miss the person you were before they came along.
Why “Just Get More Sleep” Isn’t the Answer
One of my clients (let’s call her Sarah), came to me convinced she just needed better time management. She had a 6-month-old and a 3-year-old, and was trying to do it all. “If I could just organize my day better,” she told me, “I wouldn’t be so tired.” But during our work together, she realized something surprising: her exhaustion wasn’t about poor scheduling - it was about the weight of trying to be the perfect mom.
The truth is, telling a tired mom to “just sleep when the baby sleeps” is like telling someone with anxiety to “just relax.” It misses the deeper issue entirely. Here’s what’s really going on:
Your body might be ready for sleep, but your mind is still racing
The precious moments of quiet feel too valuable to “waste” on sleep
The anxiety about when the next wake-up will happen makes it hard to truly rest
You’re touched out and need space more than sleep
The Hidden Causes Nobody’s Talking About
This is where my background in behavioral analysis and counseling intersects with my real-life experience as a mom of four. Through both professional study and personal experience (especially during those early days with twins plus two!), I’ve discovered that the exhaustion you’re feeling often stems from deeper sources than just lack of sleep:
Boundary Depletion:
Every time you push past your own limits to meet someone else’s needs, you’re drawing from an energy reserve that’s already running low. Think of it like a bank account - each time you say “yes” when your body and mind are screaming “no,” you’re making a withdrawal. Each time you ignore your need for a bathroom break to handle one more crisis, skip eating to manage one more task, or push through exhaustion to meet one more demand, you’re creating an energy deficit that compounds over time.
I see this particularly with my coaching clients who are high-achieving moms. They’re used to pushing through, making it work, finding solutions. But motherhood requires a different approach to boundaries - one that acknowledges that maintaining your own reserves isn’t selfish, it’s essential. Because when your boundary bank account is overdrawn, everything feels harder, heavier, and more exhausting.
Decision Fatigue:
By the end of the day, you’ve made thousands of tiny decisions.
What to dress the kids in, what to feed them, when to stand firm, when to let go. Should you let them cry it out or pick them up? Is that fever high enough for medicine? Should you call the doctor or wait it out? Each decision takes a little bit of energy, and it adds up.
What makes this particularly draining is that many of these decisions don’t have clear “right” answers. They’re judgment calls that require weighing multiple factors, considering short-term and long-term impacts, and often making choices under pressure.
As a behavioral specialist, I can tell you that this constant decision-making taxes your brain’s executive function - the same mental resource you need for emotional regulation, impulse control, and rational thinking. No wonder you feel mentally exhausted by dinner time!
The Perfectionism Trap:
Social media shows us carefully curated moments of motherhood, making us feel like we should be doing more, being more, achieving more. But it goes deeper than just comparison - it’s about the internalized belief that if we’re not constantly striving, we’re somehow failing our children.
I see this manifest in specific ways with my clients: The mom who can’t rest during naptime because she feels she should be preparing educational activities. The mother who’s exhausted but still stays up late making homemade baby food because “that’s what good moms do.” The woman who’s running on empty but signs up for one more mommy-and-me class because everyone else seems to be doing it.
This constant striving is exhausting not just because of the actual doing, but because of the mental and emotional energy spent feeling like you’re never quite measuring up. As someone who’s both studied human behavior and lived through the trenches of motherhood, I can tell you: this perfectionism isn’t serving you or your children.
It’s creating a cycle of exhaustion that’s hard to break without support and guidance.
Real Solutions (Beyond the Basic Advice)
Here’s what actually works (tested by both my professional experience and my personal journey with four kids):
Energy Management vs Time Management:
Here’s what nobody tells you - it’s not about finding more hours in the day. It’s about understanding and honoring your natural energy rhythms. Instead of trying to squeeze more into your day, focus on identifying your energy peaks and valleys. Work with them, not against them.
For me, this meant accepting that I couldn’t do it all during the twins’ nap time, and that was okay. It meant recognizing that my energy was highest in the morning, so that’s when I’d tackle the most demanding tasks. It’s about working smarter, not harder, and understanding that energy - not time - is your most precious resource.
Creating Micro-Moments of Rest:
We need to completely redefine what rest looks like in this season of motherhood. Those long breaks? They’re not your reality right now. But here’s the game-changing truth I share with my clients: tiny moments of rest, strategically taken, can help prevent total burnout.
Sometimes it’s three deep breaths while loading the dishwasher. Sometimes it’s sitting in your car for an extra minute after getting groceries. Sometimes it’s feeling the warm water on your hands while filling the bath. These moments count. They’re like pressing a tiny reset button throughout your day, and they add up to something powerful.
Building Sustainable Support Systems:
This isn’t just about having someone to watch the kids - though that’s important too. It’s about creating a network that supports you as a whole person, not just as a mom. It’s about having people in your life who see you, who get it, who support your growth and rest without judgment.
The most successful moms I work with have learned that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness - it’s a strategy for sustainability. But building this support system? It’s an art, and it requires intention, clarity, and sometimes, professional guidance.
When to Seek Help
Sometimes, motherhood tiredness crosses a line into something that needs professional attention. As someone who’s both experienced this personally and guided other moms through it, I want you to know it’s okay - and important - to recognize when you need more support.
Watch for these signs that your tiredness might need professional attention:
When you feel disconnected from your children even when you’re with them
When the thought of tomorrow brings more dread than hope
When you can’t remember the last time you felt like yourself
When your tiredness doesn’t improve even after getting rest
When simple tasks feel overwhelmingly difficult
Moving Forward
This season of motherhood tiredness doesn’t have to be your forever story.
The moms I work with often tell me the same thing: “I didn’t realize how tired I was until I started feeling better.” That’s because we get so used to operating on empty that we forget what it feels like to be full.
If you’re ready to move from surviving to thriving, let’s talk.
But here’s the thing - this isn’t your typical “see you next week!” coaching program.
My approach? It’s different. Because real motherhood doesn’t happen in neat, scheduled blocks.
In our work together, you get:
DAILY Support: Text, voice, or video message whenever you need guidance (yes, even from the pantry where you’re hiding with chocolate)
Real-Time Solutions: Because Tuesday’s meltdown can’t wait until Friday’s session
Flexible Connection: Whether you’re in carpool line or stealing a quiet moment during nap time
Personalized Strategies: Because what works for your friend’s perfectly scheduled toddler might not work for your chaos-loving trio
Imagine having someone in your corner when:
You’re gripping the steering wheel, fighting back tears after losing it with your kids…again
That midnight anxiety spiral hits and you’re questioning every parenting choice
The mom-guilt is crushing you and you need someone to talk you off the ledge NOW, not next Tuesday
This is coaching that fits YOUR life, not the other way around.
Ready to transform your motherhood story?
P.S. If you’re reading this at 12am, save this post for tomorrow and try to rest. But when you’re ready, I’m here to help you create lasting change. Your future self will thank you for taking this first step.
Here With You,
Important Note: While coaching can be transformative for many aspects of motherhood exhaustion, it’s crucial to understand that coaching is different from therapy.
If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, anxiety, or having thoughts of harm to yourself or others, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional. They’re specially trained to help with these challenges, and seeking their support is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Coaching works best when you’re mentally ready to focus on moving forward and creating practical strategies for change.
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