Funny Advice for New Moms: Straight from the Trenches of Motherhood
Hey there, mama! Congratulations on entering the wild and wonderful world of motherhood. As a seasoned mom of 4 myself (and 15+ years experience working with moms), I've experienced the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Today, I want to share some funny advice with you that I wish someone had given me when I first became a mom. So buckle up, grab a cup of coffee (you'll need it), and get ready to laugh your way through this crazy journey called motherhood.
Embrace the "Mom Brain":
You know that feeling when you walk into a room and forget why you went there in the first place? Welcome to the world of "mom brain." Embrace it, because it's here to stay. From forgetting your own name to putting the milk carton in the pantry instead of the fridge, "mom brain" will keep you on your toes while your memory takes a vacation.
Symptoms of “Mom Brain”
Grocery List Amnesia: You didn’t have time to create a list so now you are aimlessly walking the aisles hoping that you can grab enough things to make some sense of meals. Back home, you unpack. Spinach, cheese, mystery cereal, and those berries. Hmm...this will be an interesting week!
Lost Words: You’re mid-conversation, and suddenly the word you need escapes you. It’s like your brain decided to play hide-and-seek with your vocabulary. “Uh, you know, that thing… with the wheels… for babies!”
Keys, Where Art Thou?: Your keys have become elusive creatures. They hide in the fruit bowl, fall into the couch cushions, and occasionally take a spin in the washing machine. Finding them is like winning a game of hide-and-seek.
Calendar Chaos: You forget playdates, doctor appointments, and even your own birthday. But hey, at least you remembered to pack three extra pacifiers and a backup diaper bag. Priorities, right?
Survival Strategies for “Mom Brain”
Embrace It: “Mom brain” is your new superpower. Who needs a photographic memory when you can remember the lyrics to every nursery rhyme ever written? Own it, mama!
Have a System: Whether you want to use paper and pen, an app…doesn’t matter. Just have something in place that can help you jot down all the thoughts and to-do’s.
Post-It Notes: Cover your house in neon-colored Post-It notes. “Feed the baby,” “Don’t forget pants,” and “You’re amazing!” – all essential reminders.
Coffee: It’s not just a beverage; it’s your lifeline. Brew it strong, drink it often, and pretend it’s a magical elixir that boosts memory (because it totally is).
Laugh It Off: When you put the car keys in the fridge, laugh. When you wear mismatched shoes to the grocery store, laugh harder. Life is too short to take “mom brain” seriously.
Say Goodbye to Sleep:
Remember those blissful nights of uninterrupted sleep? Yeah, they're a distant memory now. Say hello to sleep deprivation, dark under-eye circles, and surviving on caffeine.
Fear not – I’ve got your back (or at least your under-eye circles). Here’s your ultimate survival guide for those sleepless nights.
Symptoms of Sleep Deprivation
Zombie Mode: You wake up feeling like an extra from a low-budget horror movie. Your hair is wild, your eyes are bloodshot, and your brain is convinced it’s still dreaming about unicorns.
False Alarms: You tiptoe out of the room, convinced your little one is sound asleep. But just as you settle into your own bed, the baby monitor crackles to life, and you hear the unmistakable cry. It’s like they have a sixth sense for your comfort.
Midnight Snack Attacks: Forget about that diet – your midnight snack game is strong. Chocolate? Check. Pretzels? Check. Cold pizza? Check. It’s all about survival, and your body demands carbs at 2 a.m.
Hallucinations: The nursery lamp starts whispering secrets, and the laundry basket morphs into a friendly dragon. You’re not hallucinating; you’re just sleep-deprived. Embrace the magic.
Survival Strategies for Sleep Deprivation
Power Naps: Master the art of the 10-minute power nap. Find a cozy spot – the laundry pile works – and recharge. Bonus points if you dream about a world where babies change their own diapers.
Coffee IV: Forget regular cups; you need a direct coffee infusion. Attach an IV bag filled with espresso to your arm. It’s the latest trend in parenting lol.
Eye Mask Chic: Rock that eye mask like a runway model. Who cares if it clashes with your spit-up-stained pajamas? You’re a sleep-deprived fashion icon.
Sound Machines, Fans and Calming Apps: I promise if you just give it a try, it might help!
Embrace the Mess:
Welcome to a world of sticky fingers, food explosions, and toys scattered everywhere. Embrace the mess, because it's a sign of a happy and playful home. Just remember to wear shoes at all times to avoid stepping on Legos!
Symptoms of Mess Overload
Spit-Up Symphony: Your baby has perfected the art of projectile spit-up. It’s like a tiny fountain of curdled milk, and it always happens right after you change into your last clean shirt.
Food Wars: Introducing solids means introducing chaos. Avocado smears on the walls, sweet potato handprints on the ceiling – Let’s not even get into when you find the lid to a missing marker!!
Sticky Fingers Everywhere: Your once-pristine walls now resemble abstract art canvases. Peanut butter, jelly, and unidentified goo – it’s like your toddler is secretly curating a gallery exhibition titled “Fingerpainting Chaos.”
Toy Tornado: Your living room floor resembles a toy store after a hurricane. Legos, stuffed animals, and that mysterious plastic thingamajig – they’re all part of the chaos of their childhood.
Survival Strategies
Laundry Zen: Accept that laundry is a perpetual cycle. There’s no “done.” Just embrace the pile – it’s your textile Everest. And remember, mismatched socks are the latest fashion trend.
Stain Removal: Master the art of stain removal. Tomato sauce on the onesie? Dab it with lemon juice. Oxi Clean, Tide sticks, baking soda….all the things!
Truly the only way to get through the chaotic mess is to remember that messy homes are happy homes. Give yourself grace and exert your energy on what is most important.
Learn to Laugh at Yourself:
Motherhood is full of embarrassing moments, from accidentally wearing your shirt inside out to mistaking your child's toothpaste for your own. Instead of feeling embarrassed, learn to laugh at yourself. Trust me, it's much more fun that way.
Survival Strategies
Mirror Pep Talks: Stand in front of the mirror and repeat after me: “I can do this. I am stronger than my child. I will survive today.”
Caption Everything: Turn mundane moments into Instagram-worthy captions. “Coffee in hand, sanity in question,” and “Laundry mountain conquered.” We will all relate.
Know You Are Not Alone:
The Midnight Lullaby Shuffle: Picture this – it’s 3 a.m., and you’re swaying in the dimly lit nursery, singing a lullaby. Your baby gazes at you with those wide eyes and you just want to cry out of exhaustion. Somewhere, in another time zone, a mom is experiencing that same emotion.
The Knowing Glance: When you’re at the grocery store, and your toddler throws a tantrum over candy, lock eyes with the mom in the next aisle. That knowing glance says, “Solidarity, sister. We’ve all been there.”
The Coffee Ritual: The morning coffee ritual is sacred. It’s not just caffeine; it’s a lifeline. As you sip that warm cup, know that millions of moms are raising their mugs in solidarity. We’re all part of the Sleep-Deprived Sip Club.
Embrace the Power of Multitasking:
As a new mom, you'll quickly become a master of multitasking. From breastfeeding while answering work emails to cooking dinner with a baby on your hip, you'll amaze yourself with your newfound abilities.
Find Your Mom Tribe:
Motherhood can be overwhelming, so it's essential to find your mom tribe. Surround yourself with other moms who understand the struggles and joys of raising tiny humans. Together, you'll laugh, cry, and exchange tips on surviving tantrums and picky eaters.
Embrace the Chaos:
Life as a mom is chaotic, and that's okay. Embrace the chaos, because in the midst of spilled milk and toddler meltdowns, you'll find moments of pure joy and love that make it all worthwhile. Remember, messy houses and happy hearts go hand in hand.
FAQs for New Moms
Q: How do I handle the lack of sleep?
A: Welcome to the zombie club! Remember, coffee is your new best friend. Try to sleep when the baby sleeps, even if it’s just a quick snooze. And if anyone asks why the laundry isn’t done, just tell them you’re prioritizing your beauty sleep. (Everyone loves a well-rested mom, right?)
Q: What should I do if I'm feeling overwhelmed?
A: When in doubt, chocolate. Seriously though, feeling overwhelmed is part of the package. Call a fellow mom friend and have a venting session! Also, practice saying “no” to extra tasks. Your new mantra: “I’m busy keeping a tiny human alive.”
Q: How can I bond with my baby?
A: Bonding is like dating—awkward at first, but it gets better. Sing silly songs, make funny faces, and have dance parties in your living room. Skin-to-skin contact is great, but if you get peed on, just laugh it off. It’s all part of the fun!
Q: What if I’m not breastfeeding?
A: Whether it’s breast, bottle, or a mix of both, fed is best. And let’s be real, no one’s going to ask your kid in college how they were fed. Do what keeps you and your baby happy. If anyone gives you grief, hand them the baby and a bottle, and say, “Your turn!”
Q: How do I manage visitors who want to see the baby?
A: Ah, the parade of well-wishers. Feel free to become a scheduling wizard. Set visiting hours and make sure they’re bringing food. If they stay too long, hand them a mop or the baby—you’ll see how fast they leave. Pro tip: Blame the baby for needing “quiet time.”
Q: When should I worry about postpartum depression?
A: The “baby blues” are like an uninvited guest—they show up, make a mess, and usually leave after a few weeks. But if they overstay their welcome, it’s time to call in reinforcements. Talk to your doctor if you’re feeling consistently down. Remember, even superheroes need help sometimes.
Q: How do I deal with unsolicited advice?
A: Channel your inner Zen master. Smile, nod, and imagine yourself on a beach with no diapers in sight. If the advice gets too much, just say, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind,” while mentally filing it under “not happening.”
Encouragement to You, Mama:
As a new mom, laughter will become your lifeline. Embrace the funny side of motherhood, because it's what will get you through the challenging moments.
It's important to remember that you're only human, and it's okay to make mistakes. Giving yourself grace means embracing the fact that you're doing the best you can with the tools and resources you have. It means accepting that not every day will be perfect, and that's alright. By giving yourself grace, you allow yourself to let go of unrealistic expectations and be kind to yourself in the process. Remember, you're learning and growing alongside your child, and that in itself is a remarkable accomplishment.
It's also crucial to know that you're not alone in this journey. Motherhood can sometimes feel isolating, especially when faced with the challenges and pressures of raising a child. However, there is a whole community of moms out there who are going through similar experiences. Seek out support through coaching, online communities, or even just a trusted friend who can offer a listening ear and share in your joys and struggles. Knowing that you're not alone can provide comfort, validation, and a sense of belonging. Connecting with other moms can also provide valuable insights, advice, and reassurance that what you're going through is normal.
Lastly, finding laughter in the midst of motherhood is essential for your own mental well-being. There will be moments that are overwhelming, frustrating, and downright exhausting. But sometimes, laughter truly is the best medicine. It helps to lighten the mood, release tension, and remind you that you're not alone in experiencing the chaos and unpredictability of parenting. Finding humor in the little mishaps and funny moments can shift your perspective and allow you to approach challenges with a lighthearted attitude. So, don't be afraid to laugh at the messy, chaotic, and sometimes absurd situations that motherhood throws your way. It's a reminder that you have the strength to navigate through it all and come out stronger on the other side.
So, dear new moms, hold on tight, enjoy the ride, and remember that you're doing an incredible job.
Cheers to the messy, exhausting, and hilariously beautiful journey of motherhood!
With Love and Imperfection,
If you are ready to start your journey with a mom coach on nurturing yourself and rediscovering joy, I would love to set a time to talk with you.
Take a look at my services, schedule a consult…And if you are not quite ready to commit, you can start your journey with one of my workbooks for you or you kids!
Hey mama, ever feel like no matter what you do, it’s just not enough? You’re not alone.
This blog gets real about why so many moms feel like they’re failing and offers practical, doable ways to shift that mindset. Let’s redefine success together and ditch the guilt for good. You deserve to feel confident and at peace in your journey as a mom. Click to read—you’ve got this!