Invisible Struggle: The Telltale Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System in Mothers

Motherhood—it’s often painted as this picture-perfect journey, full of joy, laughter, and baby giggles. But let’s be real, mama. Behind those cute Instagram photos and adorable smiles, there’s a hidden struggle so many of us deal with but rarely talk about: a dysregulated nervous system. It’s one of those battles that’s invisible on the outside but can completely mess with your inner world.

If you’re feeling constantly exhausted, snapping at the smallest things, or like your brain is stuck in overdrive, chances are you’re dealing with more than just everyday stress. This could be your nervous system screaming for help. And let me tell you—you’re so not alone. This kind of burnout doesn’t just drain your energy, it can make it hard to show up as the mom you want to be.

The first step to finding balance again is recognizing the signs. Once you can see what’s really going on, you can start making moves to take care of you. Because here’s the thing—you deserve to feel good in your own skin, and your kids deserve to see you thriving, not just surviving.

The Impact of Dysregulation on Mothers

Let’s break it down—when your nervous system is out of whack, it doesn’t just stay in your head. It ripples out into every part of your life.

Emotional Volatility

Ever feel like your emotions are on a rollercoaster? One minute, you’re laughing at your kid’s silly joke; the next, you’re tearing up over something that wouldn’t usually bother you.

Your patience? It’s like a rare treasure you can’t quite seem to find. Everything feels amplified, and you’re a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap at the slightest thing.

Physical Toll

When your nervous system is stuck in overdrive, your body pays the price. It’s like having a grumpy roommate who messes with your sleep, digestion, and overall well-being.

Those nagging headaches, backaches, and random aches and pains? They’re all part of the package.

Sensory Overload

Does it ever feel like the world is just too loud, too bright, too much? Your nervous system cranks up the volume on everything, making you feel like a human antenna picking up signals from all directions. Even the dog barking next door can feel like it’s too much.

Sleep Drama

Sleep—what’s that? You’re either staying up way too late binge-watching your favorite show or tossing and turning all night with a brain that just won’t shut off. Either way, you wake up feeling like a zombie, stumbling through the day.

Attention Whirlwind

Concentration? What concentration? Your brain jumps from one thought to another, leaving you feeling like a circus performer trying to juggle flaming torches.

You start one task, get distracted, and suddenly find yourself organizing the sock drawer instead of doing what you actually needed to do.

Appetite Roller Coaster

Your relationship with food? Let’s just say it’s complicated. One day, you’re devouring everything in sight; the next, you’re not hungry at all.

Your hunger cues are all out of whack, leaving you reaching for carbs and sweets one minute and feeling too full the next.

Immune System Tango

When your nervous system is out of sync, your immune system follows suit. You might find yourself catching colds more often or dealing with random hormonal imbalances. It’s like your body’s internal GPS has lost its way.

Social Acrobatics

Social situations can feel like walking a tightrope. One moment, you’re craving alone time; the next, you’re missing adult conversation like crazy.

Your nervous system flips between “hermit crab” and “social butterfly,” and sometimes you feel like both at the same time.

The Role of Stress in Dysregulation

Let’s talk about stress—that little gremlin that loves to mess with our nervous systems. Chronic stress is like that uninvited guest who shows up at the worst times and refuses to leave. Here’s how it wreaks havoc:

1. Activation and Dysregulation: Chronic stress keeps your nervous system in a constant state of alert, like a car alarm that won’t stop blaring. It’s not helpful—it’s just plain exhausting.

2. Cardiovascular Drama: Stress can make your heart race like it’s auditioning for an action movie, even when you’re just sitting there trying to read a grocery list.

3. Insulin Resistance: Stress messes with your body’s ability to manage sugar, turning your internal traffic cop (insulin) into a hot mess, waving cars in all directions.

4. Cognitive Decline: Chronic stress turns your brain into a tangled mess of thoughts. Concentration? Rational decisions? Forget about it. It’s like trying to juggle mental post-it notes in a windstorm.

5. Mood Disorders: Stress can bring on or worsen mood disorders like depression and anxiety, making you feel like you’re constantly battling a joy-sucking ghost.

6. The Bear That Isn’t There: Your stress response gears up for a fight-or-flight reaction, but there’s no actual danger—just a pile of laundry staring back at you. Your nervous system needs a reset, but it’s stuck in overdrive.

Why Self-Care Is a Non-Negotiable for Moms with a Dysregulated Nervous System

Being a mom can sometimes feel like you’re juggling flaming torches while trying to balance on a unicycle—and oh yeah, it’s all happening on a tightrope! The reality is, self-care isn’t just a “nice-to-have”—it’s your secret weapon. It’s like the oxygen mask you need to put on first before you can help anyone else.

Why Self-Care Matters for Moms

1. Replenishing your Energy Well:

Think of your well-being as a well. If you keep giving and giving without refilling it, it’s going to run dry. Self-care is how you refill that well so you can keep showing up for your kids, your partner, and anyone else who needs you—without feeling completely drained.

2. Stress Management:

Motherhood can feel like a constant storm, and self-care is your life raft. Taking even small moments for yourself can help you manage stress, avoid burnout, and keep from feeling like you’re sinking under the weight of it all.

3. Physical and Mental Health:

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths (though those are nice too!). Regular self-care can actually protect you from future health issues. When you prioritize your well-being, your whole family benefits—because when you’re healthy, you can show up for them fully. Plus, it helps safeguard your mental health, keeping things like anxiety and depression at bay.

4. Modeling Self-Care for Your Kids:

Here’s something we sometimes forget—our kids watch everything we do. When they see you making self-care a priority, they’re learning to value their own well-being, too. You’re not just teaching them how to tie their shoes—you’re showing them how to take care of themselves, emotionally and physically.

Practical Self-Care Tips for Burnt-Out Moms

1. Positive Thinking: Combat those negative thought spirals by celebrating even the smallest wins. Find just one thing that went well today—yes, even if it’s as simple as getting the dishes done without losing your mind.

2. Time Management: Small steps are more achievable. Prioritize what’s truly important, and let the less urgent stuff wait. It’s okay to leave the laundry for tomorrow if you need a break.

3. Basic Healthy Habits: It doesn’t have to be perfect—just aim for the basics. Prioritize sleep, squeeze in some movement when you can, eat something that fuels you, and drink water like it’s your job.

4. Schedule “Me Time”: Whether it’s a quick coffee break, a fitness class, or simply curling up with a good book for 10 minutes, schedule that time and treat it like it’s sacred. That’s your time to recharge—don’t skip it.

5. Delegate and Ask for Help: Remember, you don’t have to do it all. Say no to the things that drain you, and ask for help when you need it. Whether it’s asking your partner to handle dinner or letting a friend help with a school run—it’s okay to lean on your village.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish; it’s survival. By taking care of yourself, you become an even more amazing caregiver.

Simple Strategies to Calm Your Nervous System

As moms, we’re like the family’s personal circuit breakers—handling surges of emotions, endless responsibilities, and the occasional toddler meltdown (or five). Here’s how to keep yourself from overloading and bring the calm back:

1. Breathe: Inhale the Calm, Exhale the Chaos

Deep breathing is your secret reset button. When everything feels too much, a few focused breaths can work wonders. It triggers your body’s “chill mode” (aka your parasympathetic nervous system).

Try this: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat until you can feel the calm coming back.

2. Move: Shake Off Stress Like You Mean It

Dance around the kitchen, take a walk, or do some gentle yoga—just move. Think of yourself like a wet dog shaking off all the stress of the day.

Movement releases endorphins, your body’s natural mood-boosters, and gives you an excuse to let loose (even if it’s just for 5 minutes).

3. Connect: Hug Your Kids, Call a Friend, Pet the Dog

CThere’s something about connection that soothes the soul. Give your kids a tight hug—those giggles are like mini therapy.

Or call a friend to chat, vent, or laugh (whatever you need). Your people are your emotional lifeline, like vitamins for the soul.

4. Sleep: Prioritize Those Zzz’s

Your body craves sleep the way your toddler craves cookies. Prioritize it.

Create a bedtime routine with dim lights, cozy blankets, and maybe a cup of chamomile tea. Even if it’s just a few minutes of winding down, your nervous system will thank you.

5. Seek Professional Help: Let Someone Help Guide You

Sometimes we all need a little extra help finding our way through the stress.

Therapists, coaches, and support groups are like your emotional GPS—they help guide you back to a place of calm when you’re feeling lost. It’s always okay to ask for directions.

Seeking Professional Help for Nervous System Dysregulation

If you’re grappling with a dysregulated nervous system, seeking professional help is a crucial step toward healing. As moms, we carry the weight of the world on our shoulders but remember—you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Understanding the Struggle

Even long after a traumatic event, your nervous system can stay stuck in overdrive, like a car that’s trying to press both the accelerator and the brake at the same time. It’s exhausting, and it’s no way to live. But there’s hope.

Breaking Free with Mom Coaching

That’s where I come in. I’m Kelly, a mom coach with a master’s degree in counseling and a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst. As a once anxiety-ridden mom of four, I’ve turned my pain into purpose. My personalized one-on-one coaching is designed to fit seamlessly into your busy life.

We communicate through a secure app, leaving voice, video, or text messages whenever you need support.

Think of me as your continuous cheerleader as you kick guilt to the curb and reclaim your life.

What to Expect from Our Mom Coaching Journey:

1. Release Guilt and Embrace Confidence: We’ll work through that mom guilt and build your confidence, helping you discover your unique strengths and develop trust in meeting your child’s emotional needs. Say goodbye to that nagging inner critic!

2. Overcome Self-Sabotage and Overstimulation: Together, we’ll unravel the patterns of self-sabotage and overstimulation that hold you back. Shift those destructive behaviors and empower yourself to create a life full of success and fulfillment—both as a mom and as an individual.

If you’re ready to break free and find your joy, let’s connect! Visit my website for more information on 1:1 Mom Coaching. Together, we’ll thrive, one mindful breath at a time.

Conclusion: Empowering mothers to heal and thrive

Dear mama, you are more resilient than you realize. It’s time to peel off that invisible mask, embrace the quirks of your nervous system, and know that healing begins with compassion—for yourself and every other mom riding this rollercoaster with you. Let’s thrive together, one deep breath at a time.

Key Takeaways:

1. You’re Not Alone: The invisible struggle is real, but so is your strength. Other moms are navigating similar waters – sometimes with leaky boats and mismatched oars.

2. Self-Care Is Survival: Prioritize self-care; it’s not selfish. Delegate tasks, say no, and schedule “me time.” A well-regulated mom is a superhero in disguise.

3. Regulate and Recalibrate: Use strategies like deep breathing, movement, and seeking professional help. You’re not just a frazzled wire; you’re a conductor weaving chaos into a beautiful melody.

Remember, you’re not just a mom and you’re not just your dysregulated symptoms. There is purpose, passion and JOY in your life and I would love to help guide you to find it all again….maybe it’s re-defined now at this chapter, but you deserve all of it!!!!

With Love and Imperfection,

Ready to thrive and navigate the chaos and overstimulation as a mom? Let’s connect! As a mom life coach, I offer personalized guidance, practical strategies, and unwavering support. Reach out for a free consultation today!

References:

Signs of a Dysregulated Nervous System - Approved Science Blog

The Health Risks of a Dysregulated Nervous System | Psychology Today

The Connection Between Trauma and Nervous System Dysregulation (nervoussystemschool.com)

What is Nervous System Regulation & Why is it Important? (positivepsychology.com)